


stairwell to nowhere

by losestelia



Series: onf aus [2]
Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, M/M, a lot of things are implied, jaeyong is sad im sorry, kind of proofread, they were cute, yutos there somewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 13:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14521674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losestelia/pseuds/losestelia
Summary: the past has a way of staying with us, pulling us backbut also pushing us forward





	stairwell to nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS SAD
> 
> im sorry but forwarned its not explicit but TURN BACK if this aint cool with you.
> 
> enjoy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jaeyong would like to think he's a strong person.

with all the hours he spends in the school's weight room, he hopes he could be considered strong. capable at least.

that was until he saw him. trapesing down the hallway past his class, his hands interlocked with that exchange student from japan. he shouldn't be upset because they look happy. giggling like school boys, they're shoes match, they're phone cases match. they're the epitome of a sophomore romance. so jaeyong, a bitter junior, shouldn't be jealous. who said he was jealous?

he's not jealous.

why would he be jealous?

  
they were barely friends, deskmates at most. their conversations were 15 minutes on a good day. as him and that intense looking exchange student disappeared from sight, jaeyong can't find it in himself to stop staring at the spot where they were. burning a hole in the horrendously speckled linoleum before sinking into the usual pit of self loathing that comes as a package deal with minseok. he whips around the corner to the staircase hand gripping the side rails he stops with blurry unfocused eyes.

when he's staring at the stairs in front of him people whizzing at the foot of them jaeyong wants to jump. he wants to jump from the top just to feel the rush of it.

to crash his head into the railings and twist his ankles on the steps.

to fall. to jump.

to be flying for a moment.

then crushed with the unbearable pain of his mistakes.  
when he looks at minseok and that kid, he feels like he's at the top of the stairs.

he feels like there's a question of to jump or not to jump. on the precipice of ending his career. explaining his injuries would be a pain. ‘star athlete jumps from stairs over small boy’ doesn't quite fit on a headline.  
what will strength do when your heart is weak, he wonders.

minkyun passes him on the stairs, a concerned look crossing his features briefly but he keeps walking. he lets out a forceful breath when minkyuns out of sight, they don't talk anymore.

they haven't for a long time.

  
he grips the railing tightly as be descends.  
wouldn't want to slip and fall.

 

* * *

 

  
“hyungie, do you want to go see a movie later?” minseok rocks on his heels in front of jaeyongs car.

the parking lot is pretty much empty since baseball practice gets out around six. the setting sun casts an orange halo over minseok's lavender hair. a bird wades peacefully in a graying puddle collecting in the gravel. jaeyong tried not to dwell on the fact that minseok must have waited at least an hour after musical practice for him. when minseok smiles so bright and expectant at him, he wishes he was that bird.

  
“what movie?” he leans his hand on the car ignoring the searing heat in his palm from the metal.

just like every suburban upper middle class teenager his parents got him a car for his 16th birthday. problem with that is the amount of time he spends working out for baseball and football and swimming he's collected some muscle. muscle that is far from comfortable in the shiny blue prius he pulls up to school everyday.

minseok jumps up and down excitedly, “there's a japanese film me and yuto were gonna go see. i really think you'd like it-”

jaeyong swings the car door open a lot harder than necessary, “busy.” is all he says through gritted teeth slipping his cleet clad feet into his stupid tiny car. contemplating whether to slam the car door in fear he'd hurt minseok’s feelings.

  
_minseok hurt your feelings._

  
he slams the door.  
the gravel crunches under his tires as he peels out of his jet black parking space.

minseok waves at him innocently, rainbow-colored shoelaces dangling frayed and untied from the curb.

  
he coasts down the street every muscle strung as tight as a violin. his knuckles whitening, toes curling, face reddening, in silence. he’d turn up the radio but didn't want to risk crying if a love song came on.  
he thought he was better than this.  
better than crying in his stupid prius, moving past kids on bikes and skateboards who probably all are emotionally stable in their lives. most likely don't loathe every single breath they breathe to they're dumb aching lungs.  
those kids don't know the half of it, those kids don't know. he waits at the stoplight pounding his hand on the steering wheel as he screams.

jaeyong isn't strong at all, he finds.  
because every day since the 8th-grade dance he's had a big dumb crush on the pocket-sized kid, whose soft skin smelled like strawberry icing. he's refreshing like a brand new sprite. it's cold and wet on your parched tongue but the carbonation burns your cheeks and is hard to swallow. but once you get it down you can't help but go back and relive it again.  
the light turns green and he turns into a parking lot a couple buildings down. forcing the car into park and banging his head on the steering wheel. causing a weak and sudden ‘honk’ to echo against his windows.  
jaeyong and minseok had a complicated relationship. one that dates back to a time with minseok’s natural hair color, a dense dark brown, one the younger wanted nothing more than to destroy(and he succeeded 6 bleachings later).

  
back when jaeyong was a journalism kid and minseok a not-so-annoying tech theatre nerd. his sunshine smile nearly shining from behind the curtain during wmms’s production of ‘alice’s adventures in wonderland’. minseok, a pure-hearted 7th grader, was ‘co-assistant art director’ of this mess. dawning himself a little ‘hello my name is…’ and refusing to take it off. no one had the heart to tell him it wasn't a real position. especially not jaeyong who was assigned(read: unwillingly) to interview the cast and crew of wmms’s first major production.

  
“not it!” minkyun had shrieked the day their journalism teacher was picking volunteers.  
so as the gentleman he was he did two things:  
1) didn't kill minkyun  
2) agree to talk to a bunch of nutcases for an hour or so.

  
it wasn't so bad, as it turns out, save for the blue haired kid today called him a ‘muggle’.  
he got to meet a non-nutcase, otherwise known as the kid who didn't seem to stop smiling the whole time jaeyong asked him questions.  
“can you see when you smile like that?” he asked amused as he closed his notepad.  
minseok only smiled more.

  
“not really. i try not to smile while crossing streets.”.  
jaeyong might have laughed a lot louder than necessary, maybe he was hysterical from being around theatre kids too long.

“you're not a nutcase, i’m so shocked.”

  
“thank you? i think.” minseok ruffles his dark hair, a flash of pink caught jaeyong's eye “dude, your hair is so cool.”

jaeyong moved closer to minseok as he pulled at the few pink strands shyly.  
“oh, thanks. i hate my hair but, my parents would kill me if i dyed the whole thing." jaeyong whispers "it's nice." as he steps away from minseok, moving to get his things.  
his intense giddiness dies down as he went to pack up his backpack swinging it over his shoulder and waving to minseok before stepping out into the auditorium.

  
it wasn't until around 2:34 am when jaeyong was editing the interviews with the theatre nutcases ft. kim minseok that he noticed something in the margins.  
it was a wobbly drawing of a cheerful looking teddy bear holding a banner with 10 digits that looked suspiciously like a phone number.

underneath signed:  
_call me, minseok(the kid with the hazardous smile)_

  
he remembers screaming and bringing the journal close to his chest and spinning around in his desk chair until he got sick. he remembers not finishing editing and having minkyun cover for him in class with the world's worst lie. he remembers being too scared to call minseok and texting him instead. texting until the sun rose and going to the mall on the weekends like real pre-teens did.

he remembers holding hands with minseok.  
he remembers kissing him.

  
all like it was yesterday, its all vivid at the front of his brain.  
but it wasn't yesterday, it wasn't a week ago, or a month, or even a year.  
it was almost 3 years ago since that day.

  
and he’s still fucking ugly crying about it in a taco bell parking lot.  
like a pathetic, idiot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this highschool au is fun
> 
> more to come
> 
>  
> 
> ~comments and kudos deeply appreciated~
> 
> (there are so many typos in this I'm gonna kms)


End file.
